Extremely Loud and Too Close

Have you ever had one of those friends you wonder how exactly you end up hanging out with them because you don't really like them and yet you enjoy hanging out with them because they're totally insane?

This is essentially how my acquaintanceship/ friendship with [slightly pansexual, mostly annoying] works. He awkwards me out, he makes an average situation suddenly far more complicated than it needs to be, and you can't walk down the street without him talking to random passerbys. However, he has fantastic stories about drunkenly driving golf carts into ponds and getting multiple DWIs. I'm not saying he's a good, safe person to be around. But he is... interesting.

A few weeks before school got out, I went to an Eric Hutchinson concert at First Avenue with [save the panzer], his brother, another friend, and [slightly pansexual, mostly annoying]. After the phenomenal show, they decided to get food at a nearby Rainbow store. One of the automatic doors wasn't working and [slightly pansexual, mostly annoying] ran into it. He confusedly followed us into through the exit. He then loudly shouted to the store employees whether the store was open, since the entrance doors were locked. They responded that they were in fact open (which was assumable, as we were standing in the store now) and we slowly gathered our food items.

Now, apparently upon entering the store, one of my classmates was at the checkout and I must have looked right at her. I didn't see her, as I was trying not to die of embarrassment. A week or two later, she asked me if I'd been at that Rainbow lately. At first I was confused and realized what she must have been talking about. "Wait, was I with a really loud guy?" I asked. "Yeah," she replied, "he seemed really drunk." "Oh, he wasn't drunk. He hadn't even had anything to drink yet. You should see him when he's drunk," I assured her astonished expression.

And trust me, I have seen him drunk. This guy is the sort who makes vodka and juice concoctions with so much more vodka than juice the ice cubes go glassy and clear. He was pretty wasted on [save the panzer]'s birthday. So much so that he started humping a vace-shaped sculpture on Nicollet Mall. So, sorry, people of Minneapolis, if this man has been responsible for making your average night strange and uncomfortable. I am not responsible - he is a fully grown man who is entirely capable of following his own guidance. And it is a free country. Why he continues to hang out with younger people, I don't know. I actually don't know how old he is; he jokingly told the cab driver on [save the panzer]'s birthday that he was 45. His age and/or birth year are not on Facebook so doing the math to figure it out is no good. Doesn't matter. He could be from the 51st century for all I know.

That would be rather awkward.

Much like this photo.

Yeah, that pretty much says it all. Me laughing and crying at the same time. Accurate.

Revealing [La Maga]

So, if you regularly read my blog (which I don't think anyone does, but if you do, I owe you a coffee and infinite adoration) you'll notice I'm no longer [Nazi Vampire Hunter]. I'm now [La Maga]. Of course, none of this really matters because I still identify myself by my first name. But it does matter... oh, yes it does. Because defining one's identity in words is fun and cool and hard to do but I'm driven to do it anyway because I'M A WRITER AND GODDAMMIT I WILL CONQUER THESE WORDS!

I had coffee today. I'm sorry. (No I'm not. I really love coffee).

The deal is, [Львица] changed her name. You see, she was [the major was a lady] but that name has now been switched in all previous posts and, accept for the fact that I love recalling past things and had to mention it here, it will no longer appear on this blog. And, because I'm a copycat and felt like changing mine to something that won't connect my blog to Twilight, Nazis, or Nazi Vampires eating babies, I decided to go with something new. Yes, [La Maga] doesn't sound as kick-ass, but trust me: it's cool in it's own right. At least, I think it is.

Here's where it comes from: back in the day, my compatriots and I got really into tarot somewhere between graduation and the summer after my freshman year in college. I really grew to like [novel killer]'s deck, a design called Paulina Tarot (which you can check out here, if it behooves you). While I'm probably getting scorn for being into tarot from all sides (assumptions that it's all about the occult, assumptions that I'm trying to predict the future in a way that's no more legit than horoscopes and fortune cookies), I DON'T CARE. For one, it's actually based of a European card game and is not inherently about witchcraft, Satan worshiping or any other not-so respectable hobbies. Also, I feel it's a lot more complex than horoscopes, considering it's not just giving you a description of basic personality types that could fit anyone; tarot descriptions are actually pretty particular, there's 72 cards, and the meanings change depending what sort of deck you have. Look, I'm a logical, rational human being, but sometimes, things in life can't be explained by science. I like to think tarot is one of those things. However, I don't expect you to agree with me. Honestly, I have a furious love for the mysterious - I thrive off of these sorts of things.

Anyway, [novel killer] used her deck to answer some questions I had about life. And I was totally blown away. Like it was accurate. Really freaking accurate. And because I like odd, not-so-normal things, I got interested in tarot and decided to buy my own deck. [novel killer] gave me some advice about it, in particular saying to go with the deck that jumps out the most at you, the one you can't get out of your head - because that deck is choosing you. And it happened that the deck I liked most was the same style [novel killer]. So I bought it. And it was brilliant.

http://www.paulina.ws/tarot/1-magician.html

There's this whole series of weird stories I could tell you about my deck - and [novel killer]'s because they: a) each have their own personality and b) are related, but I've probably weirded you all out enough thus far. So I'm going to cut to the chase and talk about the major arcana. The major arcana are twenty-two cards that represent personas, so to say. Death, The Chariot, The Fool... these are all major arcana cards. Anyway, each person has a card that represents them. And when you get a deck and get to know it, you find out which card it is (via a long drawn out process With my deck, it's The Magician - hence La Maga, the Italian for the same word.

Here's the description of the card for my deck:

Infinite possibilities, self confidence, personal power, determination, concentration, action, focus.
Reversed: lack of courage, destructive use of powers, manipulation, confusion.

Do I think that sounds like me? Well, I sure as hell want it to. Look at that card - it's gorgeous. But seriously, out of all of the major arcana card descriptions, this one fits me best.

http://erinmorgenstern.com

But enough of me going about tarot. The reason all of this is on my mind is that I just read one of the best books I've ever encountered in modern fiction: The Night Circus. IT IS AMAZING. I bring it up because it's all about magicians and a tarot reader and a guy who's card is the Magician. And it's absolutely such an amazing, sweet, powerful, romantic book. Everything I want my writing to be, as a matter of fact.

So, long story made longer, I decided to call myself [La Maga] because it encompasses all sorts of things for me. And I'm all about creating stuff - what represents creating better than the infinite possibilities of a magician?

And, yeah, it's one of the first words I ever learned in Italian. Judge me at will.

Also, many many many thanks to [Львица] and [The Question] for dealing with my name change. It's super annoying to go through all those posts. Thanks guys :D

And Again With the Weirdness... and Dreams... and Vampires. And Batman.

I had a pretty great first week back in classes (which is a plus - after a rather mundane last semester, I am pumped to have some pretty exciting ones). However, fun took its toll and I had a pretty weird-ass dream Friday night.

http://collider.com

So I feel like I'm watching the movie Fright Night but am also this character in it. There's this girl who's hanging out at the bar kind of on her own, kind of with friends, and Jerry the vampire - ala Colin Farrell - comes up to her. He's trying to seduce her in that Dracula-type way but it's not really working so he drugs her and knocks her out and she wakes up in this backroom of the bar and has to fight her was back to the main bar area. But then the dream restarts, from the beginning, only both the vampire and the girl remember what happened previously. So the girl is way more wary of the vampire but he's also way more convincing. And he keeps trying to slip blood into her drinks (because isn't there some thing about how if you drink a vampire's blood you're semi-vampiric? Or am I way off-base here?). But she's having none of it and apparently Jerry the vampire is responsible for trying to kill one of her friends. And he's all like, "It wasn't me, babe - I'm not a bad vampire. Really, being a vampire isn't evil - I make good life decisions. So join me 'cause I'm hot." And so on. But the girl escapes once again but AGAIN my dream starts over (and some part of my subconscious is like "WTF? Fright Night was NOT this scary the first time I watched it!") and the girl really wants to get the hell out of that bar before it becomes some creepy rip-off (yet higher budgeted) version of Dusk Before Dawn but Jerry is so damn convincing (and hot) so the girl's about to give in. But someone helps her or something and she escapes and she's running outside. And suddenly she fully becomes me and there's no more of this weird split-perspective thing and I'm running past Walter Library with someone. And Batman - not like the cool, Christian Bale/mod Batman, but the Adam West/ I'm-wearing-a-really-terrible-grey-spandex-suit Batman - is swinging from the Grecian columns on the facade of the library. It's raining sideways, and Batman is proclaiming that because  it is raining sideways, this (of course) is a sign of the Apocalypse. I find this a bit odd but follow whoever I'm with inside the library, just in case. And also, I don't want to run into anymore vampires.

http://dialbforblog.com

So yeah... No idea where all this came from in its rather unique, vivid and terrifying splendor. And for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about it. It seemed full of symbology and weird connections to all kinds of vampire stories (except for maybe Twilight. Lies - Jerry was trying to be all sympathetic and Byronic like Edward. Fail. At least he didn't sparkle...).

But why this dream? Yes, I have been trying to find Fright Night used because I want to buy it but I'm cheap. I've been thinking about Gothic writing a lot here due to some of my classes and because I'm trying to resist the urge to read Jane Eyre for the 20th time, The Phantom of the Opera for the third, Dracula for the third or fourth, and go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D. Yes, Beauty and the Beast is not a Gothic novel... but that castle in the movie looks pretty damn Gothic to me. And Gaston is the funniest Disney ever. And somehow, I think dwelling upon Gaston's muscular build reminded me of Jerry the vampire somehow... and thus maybe there's the root for some of this weirdness.

I still have no idea where the fuck Batman came from.

Singing Frenchmen and Buff Vampires

Somewhere, in the craziness that was midterms, finals and party planning, I never got around to talking about two rather stunning visual art forms I encountered. So, as a bit of post-holiday catch-up, here it goes:

http://upload.wikimedia.org

Les Miserable: I saw this at the Orpheum with [Львица], [The Question], and [save the panzer]. I'd been fortunate enough to see it when I was fourteen at the Ordway back on one of it's previous tours and totally feel in love with it. It's my favorite show, now tied with La Cage. I'm a total sucker for the music; I absolutely love it (especially "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" - someone once mentioned it in connection to Torchwood on Tumblr and I can't get it out of my head. I was totally thinking of Jack singing it after he's lost half the team during the actual show... God, I am way to devoted to this show; it's usurped the plot of a Tony-award winning musical!) The show was good - Valjean was great, Javert was wonderful, and Marius, who too often can be kind of wimpy, was PERFECT. I've never really liked his character but that night I realized he's the one I sympathize with most - the one who wants to change the world but doesn't want to get swept up into radicalism to do so. Cosette was typically weak, Fantine was a disappointment, but Eponine was wonderful. And Enjolras looked like Roger Daltrey. So win. It wasn't quite as stunning as it had been the first time - maybe because I knew what was coming and because I liked the staging of it at the Ordway just a little better - but it was still an excellent show.

http://upload.wikimedia.org

Fright Night: I had wanted to see this movie over the summer because it had Colin Farrell in it, and Anton Yelchin, also known as "that funny guy from Charlie Bartlett." I'm usually not into remakes but, having never seen the original and DESPERATELY WANTING a movie in which vampires are actually SCARY, I really wanted to see it. I didn't get the chance but then this winter I realized, with my new-found Doctor Who obsession that David Tennant was in it. So my longing to see it tripled.

I know what you're thinking - revamp (hah, pun intended) of an 80s horror movie? Probably going to be lame with gratuitous gore. NOPE. NOT AT ALL. I am not a big horror movie fan. I don't like gore. And they generally have shitty plots. I haven't seen the original - and apparently all fans of it hated the remake. SO I have nothing to compare it to (well, I do, but not plot-wise). That being said...

THIS MOVIE ROCKED. SERIOUSLY. I LOVED IT. Maybe I'm desensitized, but I didn't think it was that gory (have you seen CSI lately? Jesus, last time I saw it, it was WAY grosser than it was when I was thirteen). I liked the characters. I liked that it was humorous. And I liked the fact that Colin Farrell was hot and FUCKING SCARY. But not so scary that I felt like I would never sleep again.

http://moviesmedia.ign.com

Also, David Tennant was an epic win. I'm probably just saying that because of the leather pants. But seriously, I thought he was great.

WINNING

Fright Night has really become my favorite horror movie. Seriously. I'm not really a good person to judge on that, I suppose, since horror movies aren't really my favorite sort of film (too many years of watching bad Sci-Fi channel creations and having enough nightmares without watching horror movies, thank you very much).  But I really like the balance of humor with the horror elements. And I like that it used a teenager plot line without being totally campy or stereotypical about it.

So, yeah, if you want a something that's not super scary, not Twilight and mind-fuckingly gory, I recommend this. Also, you know, the Doctor Who connection doesn't hurt.

Sorry, had to use this damn gif. Blame Tumblr. Actually, what the hell am I apologizing for? I'm not sorry at all ;)

Disbelief

Another late night blog, because I was woken up by a saxophone player. Yes, you read that right. A man with dreadlocks was playing the saxophone, standing outside the house across the street, in the dark, loudly playing the opening of George Michael's "Careless Whisper" while a guy in a Gumbi costume danced around him.

I've never done drugs, but I got the feeling like this might be one of the crazy hallucinations 'shrooms might cause. Don't do drugs, kids. This was whack - and I WASN'T HIGH. I SAW THIS, SOBER, WITH MY OWN EYES. OUTSIDE MY WINDOW.

I just can't believe it was REAL. I mean, yeah, it's Halloween weekend, but I was in bed, half-asleep, and then I heard the saxophone (and was beating myself up for not remembering the name of the song it was from) and then I tried to figure out where it was coming from because it was SO LOUD. And then I saw Gumbi. And then they and two other guys made their way down the street, while the saxophone player continued to blast the song which my searching for its name was calls "the song they play when people start having sex in movies" as they made their way across 35W into Dinkytown.

Really, I'm writing this right now because I've got the sax solo stuck in my head and I had to figure out what the fucking song was! And also, I want evidence that I just saw what I saw... because this was weird enough to have been a dream. And by tomorrow morning, I might just think it was. Thus, here is the evidence that it was not so. It was real. I just saw Gumbi dance to George Michael. I need to get some fucking sleep.

Keanu Reeves... is a vampire?!

So somebody in my Italian class brought this up today (because we clearly weren't doing anything important, not without an instructor there):

Keanu Reeves is a vampire.

Thank God for Tumblr. I don't know what I did without it (had a lot harder time of finding photos and shit, that's what).

So all because of this painting of a French actor from the 1800s whose body was never found, Reeves has joined the ranks of time-traveling Travolta and undead Nicholas Cage. More celebrities looking like people who are supposed to be dead. Where did this phenomenon come from?!

I don't know... but I'm digging it. Gives me something bizarre to blog about right before Halloween. By the way, Keanu Reeves, if you really are a vampire, can you and vampire Nicholas Cage make Twilight stop? 'Kay, thanks.

Hipster Time Traveler?

 So while trying to plan a Halloween costume and doing research for a writing project (*cough,* not school writing, fictional writing) I stumbled across this article: Time Traveler Caught in Museum Photo?

Here's the gist: apparently, a photo in a museum in British Columbia shows a guy at a bridge reopening in the 1940s who just... doesn't quite fit in.

Mr. Sunglasses there just kind of stands out once you see him.

However, the article does explain how his clothes aren't as anachronistic as we'd like to think. And that this could be a hoax. So all it really proves is that there were hipsters in the 1940s.

How about that.

However, there are apparently people out there who claim to be time travelers. Like this guy named Andrew Carlssin, who claimed to be from 2256. And a John Titor, who's name actually came up online amongst my searching (and whom I must find more about...) who's part of online forums discussing time travel. Which he claims he does.

Which leaves me two ideas:

1) Write about time traveling for my senior paper. Interview John Titor. Write a ground-breaking book about our fascination with the past and the future.

or...

2) Start blogging as a time traveler. Become famous. Write a ground-breaking book about our fascination with the past and the future.

Clearly I'm not going to do #2, as I just gave it away. And it would be dishonest. But regardless, this is something I'm going to have to look into more. I don't care if it's fake; it's a cultural phenomenon, and I'm intrigued. Besides, deep deep down we all know I just want to work for X Files or Doctor Who/ Torchwood or something. And this is as close as I'm going to get.

So, onwards! Time for me to dive into some interweb forums and start perusing the unexplainable. And finding weird shit. Lots and lots of weird shit.

A Little Prelude For Halloween

I came across this article online this morning: 'Corpse bride' and groom stage morbid wedding. Which I found because a Facebook friend posted this pic from a Vogue photo shoot for an idea of what she want to dress up as for Halloween.

And then I looked at more photos from the photo shoot...

And if you're not totally eeried out yet, I've had these two songs by Jeremy Messersmith stuck in my head the past two days that also deal with bones and death and such (because I heard about how he was performing a concert in the oldest cemetery in Mineapolis yesterday afternoon to fund-raise for the historic graveyard and I started listening to his music and now it's totally trapped in my head).

Why is there so much stuff about cemeteries and skeletons and the like popping up in the last few days? Maybe it's just standing out because this stuff really gives me the chills. Or because writing fiction about people who can't die really gets you thinking about death. Or maybe because it's NEARLY HALLOWEEN. 'Tis the season.

Vampire Nicholas Cage, Time Traveling, and Other Stuff I Wish Was Real

My dad sent this to me sometime ago and I've been meaning to post this but kept forgetting: "Time-Traveler" cell phone likely a 1924 Hearing Aid. So apparently this can be easily debunked, but watch the video from the guy, claiming that a person who appears in extended footage from a Charlie Chaplin movie on DVD is a time traveler (it's in the CBS article but I'll post it here for convenience):

So maybe it actually is a hearing aid, but who knows... it kind of looks like an iPhone if you ask me... And people at that time would NOT be that comfortable around video cameras. But then again, I love this kind of shit. Random time traveler caught on video camera footage? Of COURSE I want to believe it's possible.

I thought of this because of what I came across today on Twitter: apparently, there's this photo going around of a guy from the 1800s who looks exactly like Nicholas Cage. A guy was trying to sell it on E-bay, claiming it proves Cage is a vampire. Decide for yourself.

It looks kind of photoshopped and as I was looking for it online, someone mentioned that it was already debunked. Dammit.  C'mon, would it not be super awesome if the star of Ghost Rider was a VAMPIRE?

Clearly I don't have a very good grip on reality. Actually, I think I just like considering the idea of reality to be very flexible. It doesn't help that last night I dreamed I was meeting up with a study group on campus and we got attacked by weevils and Torchwood showed up. And I got sprayed in the face with weevil repellant. Right. Moving on...

And to top it all off, apparently this photo makes John Travolta look like at time traveler.

What the hell, why not...

Dark Dreaming

So I finished the serious post first today, because I sincerely doubt that my brain will be working very well as the day wears on. I was awoken by thunder, torrential rain and hail at three this morning. And then at five, I awoke with an achy stomach and inexplicably terrified after having the scariest nightmare I've had in years. Or maybe ever.

So this is what it was: I was hanging out in this living room that looked like a mix of the townhouse I lived in on campus last year and the living room of my old house in Columbus, IN. Supposedly, the power was out due to a storm, but I was watching TV with [mind ninja] and [your cat is evil]. Then this ad for a horror movie came on and I was like, "Ooh, I've seen this trailer before! This movie looks really scary!"

So this preview starts with this girl, who looks to be thirteen or something, all dirty and with a bandage on her shoulder from playing soccer. She takes off her jersey and poses topless in front of this teenage boy with a camera and all these other guys were leering behind her, along with other girls watching. They were like in some sort of abandoned house or something and this girl pinned a flower in her hair while the guy took a video of her posing and saying, "I am Diana Villers" (haha, my subconscious decided to steal and misspell a name from Patrick O'Brian's books. Great).

Today I was chased by an albino through London - and why I shouldn't Google random crap

So I Googled "Weird stuff going on," hoping to find a weird news story to talk about. Instead, I got this: The End Time: Very weird things going on in Sicily with clocks (another blog! Hello, friend) If you think this is weird, you should experience the dreams I've been having after I watched "The Da Vinci Code" too late at night. Hence the pointless blog title.

I'm having a hard time following the idea though... so apparently because clocks are acting weird in Sicily, there is a demon realm and it's the end of the world? I guess my Catholic upbringing didn't really stress the threat of demons (unless it involved exorcisms and that was never addressed in school or church. I actually blame Hollywood for that fear and infatuation in my life) or the end of the world. Maybe it's because I don't have a very good streak of reliability with technology, but it seems like electronics exploding and clocks not keeping time is, yes, some very freaky shit and I would not want that happening, but also not out of the realm of "normal" happenings. Electronics do weird stuff all the time. I've seen a waffle maker flip itself over and spit out a waffle for no reason at all, but I didn't think it was demons (though, come to think of it, half the electronic stuff didn't work in the townhouse. Hmm...) Also, not that I'm a demonologist or anything, but wouldn't demons have more important things to do than fucking with our clocks? I thought they were supposed to be more evil than that. But that's just my humble opinion.