The Impossible Dream Returns!

I have a confession to make.

I am a dreamer.

You probably know this by now. Perhaps there is some essence of "dreamerism" that pervades my writing. Or because I write about the possibility of Nicholas Cage being a vampire without really addressing the point that vampires PROBABLY AREN'T REAL.

I'm also a Scorpio. I think being a dreamer is just a side effect.

Um... maybe we feign interest because we're daydreaming?

Anyway, point is, I have ridiculous hopes and expectations. Many of which I am  my rational side and my dreamy side are constantly fighting over. And things get complicated.

I actually started blogging last summer (the summer before sophomore year) because I decided I wanted to try to get an internship on the Late Late Show. And I thought blogging would be a good way to build my resume. Except that blog kind of died out when school started up again AND I HAD TO BLOG FOR CLASS. It made me a better blogger (I hope) but it also kept me from doing personal writing for a while. And then I had the idea that I wanted to go for grad school for Cultural Studies.

And then I surrounded myself with grad students in a lecture about Hegel and realized that GRAD SCHOOL WOULD KILL ME. So I spent the rest of the year trying not to die (never take 18 credits that involve two night classes - EVER) - and I created this blog. Which is now being used for various nefarious purposes.

And then, after seeing Craig Ferguson live, I realized that I AM TOTALLY STUPID. I stopped thinking about the internship only because no one seemed to think it was possible, that no one seemed to believe I was able to do it (*cough, [X],* *cough, [novel killer]*). Would I like to work in television? I think so. Would I like to work for the funniest comedian in existence? Hell yes!

Do I have the right major for this sort of thing? Who cares! After dropping in at Radio K (which is as close to working for television as I'm going to get around here; not the same but the same general idea at least) I learned that half the volunteers are at least CSCL minors and I already ran into a few fellow psych majors. Do I have enough job experience? Well, thanks to this little run with the apartment, maybe so. Do I have any idea what L.A. is like? Fuck no.

Which is probably going to be my biggest problem.

I'm not the sort of person who ever dreamed of going to L.A. or running of to make it big in Hollywood. My yearning for fame always came from book writing. And music. And acting in the theater. Those sort of ridiculous things. Not Hollywood.

So it's strange for me, to say the least, to actually want to go to Hollywood now. Although it's not really the location - it's the show. It's so rare for me to find something that I really, really intensely like. I might be passionate, but only regarding a few selected things. Like 19th Regency romance novels. Stories involving life at sea. Scotland. Complicated psychological dramas that often involve sci-fi/fantasy themes. Things that I keep bringing up again and again and again... I mean, I like many things. But there are only a few certain things that I REALLY REALLY LIKE.  Thus it probably is for most people.

Anyway, my long-winded point is, I am sometimes incredibly picky. Especially regarding humor. The fact that I can watch Craig Ferguson and that he always makes me laugh seem to be a sign that he is, at least, a demi-god.

Seriously, I love humor, it's like my favorite genre of... life - but I am SO PICKY. I'm one of those people who can sit in a theater and watch a comedic film and not laugh at anything (exactly how I felt when I saw Bridesmaids. But I'm wondering if that had to do with extenuating circumstances). I have watched George Lopez and David Letterman and not even smiled. Generally, I like Monty Python, but The Life of Brian just made me uncomfortable. Maybe because I was watching it with [hahahaha SHUT UP].

So it makes me really happy that the Late Late Show is something I: A) find funny, B) can relate to, C) is the most un-L.A. thing in L.A. and D) something I feel like I could be a part of. Thus, the impossible dream.

A little Broadway, a little Sinatra - FOR THE WIN.

Of course, there are some difficulties with this whole crazy plan:

1) The intership would have to happen next summer. Or I would have to decide to add an extra year of school - thus a five year degree. Which means more money spent on college.

2) I would have to make sure the U actually will allow me to get credit for this internship. Otherwise I can't do it.

3) I would have to have AN AMAZING RESUME AND NOT FUCKING GET NERVOUS AND MAKE MYSELF LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

4) I would probably have to learn how to drive, since transportation around L.A. sucks.

5) I would have to figure out where the hell I'd be staying in a town I've never been to.

Oh, yeah, and this....

6) I WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET THE BLOODY INTERNSHIP IN THE FIRST PLACE.

The requirements seem pretty loose; they don't make any mention of needing any previous experience in TV. But I have no idea what I'm competing against. Maybe all TV interns just want to go to the Daily Show or the Colbert Report and so it won't be as competitive as it could be. But then I think about all the kids who are majoring in communications - and all the ones who aren't - that would totally love to do this. AND I FEEL TOTALLY FUCKED.

But I am not giving up. NOT THIS TIME.  I'm going to go for it. It's what I want to do - the only thing I really want to do, other than write and blog and watch movies and British TV shows and talk about hipster music. So what if it's a big mistake? I've got a lot more to make (thank you, Gossip Grows on Trees, for that awesome line. For that, I shall introduce you to Radio K).