The Trouble with Bright Girls

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[Львица] came across this article the other day and I had one of those instances where I wanted to attach a big giant "this" photo to it to express how much I agree with the author is saying. You can read the whole thing here but I'm going to post the first two paragraphs to segue into it:

Successful women know only too well that in any male-dominated profession, we often find ourselves at a distinct disadvantage. We are routinely underestimated, underutilized and even underpaid. Studies show that women need to perform at extraordinarily high levels, just to appear moderately competent compared to our male coworkers.

But in my experience, smart and talented women rarely realize that one of the toughest hurdles they'll have to overcome to be successful lies within. Compared with our male colleagues, we judge our own abilities not only more harshly but fundamentally differently. Understanding why we do it is the first step to righting a terrible wrong. And to do that, we need to take a step back in time.

Perhaps I find this so timely because it just occurred to me over break that all the really terrible things that combat me (my weight, my appearance, my grades, my future, my attitude, my relationships) have rarely been outwardly criticized by anyone. No, in fact the thoughts that hurt me most come from ME. I think I won't succeed at something or that I'll fail or something or that I'm bad person and it hurts me and I see it as true just because I THOUGHT IT. I remember this really taking off around fifth grade, all these negative self-thoughts, and that's when I first remember having blue days and feeling incompetent and disliking myself. And woe and behold, at what age does the author say little clever girls suddenly feel less confident? FIFTH GRADE.

Girls see things as innate and unchangeable; boys see through effort and practice, they can get better at things. Why this is... well, I'm sure I could come up with a lot of hypothesis. But it seems so true. I mean, it's certainly been a hurdle I've been trying to overcome in a lot of things - music, math, social skills, you name it. Part of me wants to get all feminist and freak about this and get pissed off that this difference in learning exists. Part of me just wants to sit back and think this through and find a way to overcome it. Another part of me just wants to go out and hug every girl this has happened to.

Sometimes, life just isn't fair. I think about how people sometimes treat me, being an assistant building manager, acting like because I'm a girl I can't handle working with hardware and plumbing and other assorted home improvement things. This hasn't happened often and it hadn't blatantly been expressed but it's just a feeling I've gotten from some of the people (okay, men) who've come out to the apartment to do repairs. As if just because I'm a woman, I can't learn how to do repair stuff.

Yeah, and you came out of the womb knowing everything you ever needed to know about home repair. Right.

Fortunately for me, around the time I started getting serious about music, I started trying to believe that things are not innate and unchangeable, that I could learn flute and kick ass at it (okay, so I didn't get into music school, but I do kick ass at it). I could do math if I really put my mind to it (but I found myself having more fun writing and doing psych stuff). I can freaking light a pilot light and re-attach a shower head to the wall. I CAN LEARN SHIT.

So, girls: you can do it. Whatever it is. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And boys: share the love. We can both do it - and screw insecurity.

This has dissolved into a fluffy, poorly written pep talk. Sorry, but in my defense, today's the first day of spring semester and my brain is rather exhausted. So maybe I should call it quits for the night and let all you philosophizing pseudo-feminists do whatever it is when you're not reading my blog. Not that philosophizing pseudo-feminists read my blog but... never mind. You know what I mean.