How To Insult Everyone At Once

So between writing about [uber gay] and writing about the Saloon, I ran into a term that I'd heard before but never in context. After coming across a website that defined it, I got kind of upset. So this post is going to be all about "fag hags."

Here's one of the Urban Dictionary definitions just so we've really got it down: 

You Are A True Fag Hag If...

-You are a straight girl who has a best friend who is gay and spends a lot of time together
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-Your fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your hair and makeup are always flawless
-You dress up in his drag gear on saturday night or dress in drag together
-You even dance with all the fags on stage when Britney Spears comes on
-You learned to vouge from watching your fag
-You fall in love with your fag (which is a bad thing)
-You try to convert your fag (this will only ruin your relationship with him)
And lastly... you find your self not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him.

Or, for simplicity's sake:

A woman who likes the company of gay men. It can be affectionate or offensive, depending on the usage. 

Poor Grace... she has no idea what she's wrought.

 Sometimes I hate culture. Really I do.

I mean, how do you even BEGIN to deal with this? For one, I LOATHE the word fag. Mostly because when I was younger, I rarely heard it come out of someone's mouth who wasn't being offensive. Perhaps since then there has a been a "reclamation" of the term and thus has gained a non-offensive connotation. But I still hate it.

Also, I'm going to be an uber feminist for a moment and express how much I hate the word hag. While the history of the word is a mix of connotations between friendly witches and creepy, nightmarish women, the latter meaning has stuck more. So as funny as the two words sound together, it still pisses me off. And "queer deer" or "fruit fly" aren't too complementary either.

The problem is, I'm sure there are some pretty legit reasons for wanting to call someone a "fag hag." Trying to convert a gay man into a straight man smacks of such misunderstanding of sexuality that it makes me want to scream. But creating such a name doesn't sound so great either. Not to mention calling every girl who has a close gay friend a "fag hag" is ridiculous - that's like half the women I know. Plus who said the girl had to be straight? What, lesbians can't be friends with gay men? And referring to a person's friend who happens to be gay as "your fag" creates this whole weird ownership thing. Which is degrading, to say the least.

OK, seriously, I know this is just Urban Dictionary and not the authority on modern lexicon, but who wrote this entry? Who said all gay men like going shopping? Who said a girl with flawless makeup and hair MUST be BFFs with only gay men? Better yet, WHO STILL LISTENS TO BRITNEY SPEARS? Ok, that's harsh, she has made quite a comeback.

I should probably just let this slide and accept that this term is what is. I've done that. But sometimes, I just need to complain.

My point is, generalizing works in some situations. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE SITUATIONS. You can just sum up everyone with a cute little term - culture is WAY more complex than this. Please, for the sake of humanity, stop assuming that every girl who has a friend who is gay is exactly the same. Please stop assuming that all gay men act the same way. Please try to stop being so stereotypical without being obsessively politically correct and then we can all just relax and enjoy life and the Doctor can dance and EVERYBODY LIVES.

Yes, that was a Doctor Who reference. Sue me. I need something to fall back on so I don't go on a total feminist rant. I'll save that for later.